February’s Featured Skater: Dave 2.0

Much like Wayne Campbell and Garth Algar, Dave 2.0 comes to us form the sleepy suburbs of Chicago. He is no taller than seven-feet-tall and weighs 400 pounds at most. To be honest, he is quite a bit smaller than those measurements. He relies on the physics of his stature as well as his physics grad school training to dominate life on and off the track.

Dave, as he was known at the time, was recruited by the leader of the local Graduate Teaching Fellows Federation (GTFF), Coop de Grâce, who just happens to coach the Lane County Concussion. This coincided with an incident where Dave walked through a mysterious door in the basement of his home, which was quite possibly adjacent to a house with entities. Three seconds later, he sprung forth as the upgraded Dave 2.0, complete with long blond hair and pierced nipples. He soon laced up some skates, dropped 60 pounds, and found the love of his life.

Dave 2.0 had no previous team sports or skating experience prior to playing roller derby. In fact, he continues to spend most of his time ghost writing for no one, enjoying asthma, using exclamations from the ‘50s, using the passive voice in his profession to avoid all personal accountability, and mixing metaphors like fine wines.

To find out when you can next catch Dave 2.0 in action, stay glued to the Lane County Concussion Facebook page or visit our snazzy website. If you are interested in upgrading like Dave did, come join us at one of our practices!